Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Well, it's an iPhone, it's a Samsung, it's a Google phone, it's a whatever. It's smartphones. And basically they're an extension of our hands and our arms now. Well, it wasn't that long ago when you went to the holidays, you didn't have a phone in your hand. Now everyone does and everyone wants to check out everything going on, AKA Doom. Scrolling. Talk more about it. Thrilled to be joined by our friend Sim from Horizon Within Horizon within ca. And. And that is one thing that's become part of these holiday get togethers, Sam, is people. All of a sudden you look around and everyone's on their phone looking at different things.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Absolutely. I remember like, you know, before the ad, the smartphone.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Christmas Eve get togethers were kids were out on the Out.
[00:00:51] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: Either you were having a snowball fight. Yes. Like your neighbors. Or, or you were playing ice road hockey or you're doing something or the other. You weren't inside. And then everybody kind of like had your roles and you came back in right before supper. Ate supper.
Either Home Alone was coming on or Die Hard was coming on, depending on which TV channel you were. Some board games. Some board games. And there was no people running away from each other. Yes. Right. And one disadvantage of having this technology come into whether it was the iPads, because I think the iPads came much. A little bit sooner. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because smartphones did come, but there was not that much of data. So the app, it wasn't app friendly.
But you know, before you kind of understand like why people do scroll, there's got to be an understanding of what happens to our mind and why we go to the phone because holidays are overwhelming. And you know, like how, you know, we talked about in one of our previous podcasts about this overwhelm of hosting or the overwhelm of visiting the. The brain can only take so much stress.
And what passive scrolling gives you is it gives you a way to disassociate without it asking anything back.
And it's giving you small bursts of dopamine. Right. Like without any consequence to it.
And now all of a sudden it becomes this mindless experience where you don't have to think and then time's passing by, but it's just, you're. You're just burnt out. You're right. Okay, so there's your cause and effect.
What happens is that now this is becoming a more of a resource tool to replenish than it was before.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: So what I try to do, especially on Christmas Day, is The only time I respond to my phone is if I'm getting a DM or a text from someone, like, wishing me a greeting, and I respond, oh, hey, thanks. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas. So if it's a family member or a close friend, other than that, I don't really, really try not to look at the phone whatsoever on Christmas Day. And that's. Be honest with you. It's getting harder and harder. You're like, oh, what's happening there?
[00:03:09] Speaker B: Let's check the weather, remember, you know.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: And then you get sucked in.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
I like how you position that, because a lot of us, depending on where we fit in the generational bracket. Oh. Really determines what it's giving us back. So when we look at it from, like, an observer's lens, and you're like, well, everybody's doom scrolling or everybody's doing mindless scrolling, but it's actually an. If you look at it through each generational lens, there's actually a nuance that's unique to them.
So imagine that, you know. You know, you have a Griswold family dinner, right? And now everybody's in the living room and you have gramps at 82, and then you have the young Griswold at, like, I think seven. Yeah. So in modern time, if you bring them to 20, 25, you've got everybody, right? You've got the boomers, you got the Xers, you've got the millennials, you got the Z's, and then you got the Alphas. Right?
And so, you know, if we go chronologically and we go all the way to the oldest, and you go to baby boomers. Well, for them, it's passive sc.
Right. They're the Facebook people, you know, twerking at the feeds. Right? The. It's not requiring animated stimuli, right? Because it's not changing. The reels don't change.
And they're not into reels. They're more into, like, oh, look, you know, somebody posted Merry Christmas. And then they're like, steve, my goose. Yeah, common comment, right? Like, so. So for them, it's more of just passive restoration.
[00:04:37] Speaker A: Okay, interesting.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: Right? And. But everybody's replenishing, right? Like, everybody's just tuned out and they're trying to get energy.
Come to the Generation Xers.
This generation is the one that's carrying the weight because they're hosting, they're carrying, they're running the stuff and all of that.
For them, it's a way to just.
I need a minute because.
I just need a minute because everybody may have shifted to the living room and they're all settling in. The Xers either putting stuff away or they're like prepping the dessert or they're putting the.
There's still a command that they have to run or remember or like do. So for them now all of a sudden this becomes two minutes of reprieve, right? Because there's no escape.
Right. And they need to reset because it's switches, the alarm.
You come to the generation. Yeah, right. For them it's kind of like, okay, what is going on? Just a lot of inputs. So for them it gives them a sense of control.
It gives them a place where they don't have to engage. They can politely disassociate. Right.
And it becomes a shield.
It becomes a shield, right? Because now all of a sudden we're looking at a physical interruption, right. If somebody's got their headphones on, you're not going to interrupt them.
Right? Now you go one generation over to Gen Z.
For Gen Z, it's like so high school or so, you know, got a dope on you. Right. Like the typical, like dating anyone, like, because they are in that, that 20s bracket, right. And, or, you know, so if you decided where you're going to major. Right. Like, so for them it becomes the sense of like, okay, how do I not.
Right. Because remember, we've all had dinner, you've already experienced overwhelm.
So where are you going for recovery? You're going to your phone. But each generation now is going for very different reasons. But from an observer's lens, look at that. What happened to the love of family Christmas and like sitting by the crackling fire and turning on the radio. Boomers. Yeah, right, right, yeah. Exers. All right.
You know, because you probably got either a hockey stick, skates. Yeah. Mittens, something that you can put on.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: And go outside and.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: And you've been kicked out. Yeah, right. Because the street lights are on, you're outside. Or somebody on the street has made a rink in their backyard and every. All the kids are there.
Well, the first three generations didn't have to worry about it, Right. The Gen rise, they were like the guys in the middle because they still had the nostalgia because technology hadn't taken over. It was just getting introduced and they.
[00:07:27] Speaker A: Were at the tail end of it.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: They were at the start of it.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: But the tail end of the nostalgia morphing into the technology. Right.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: The Z were more on the tail end of it because even though the Internet came on, it was still dialogue. Right? Right, yeah. Or the web pages were very like myspacey kind of thing. Yeah, it's the Z where it became much greater in demand.
So now that need to go on the content change, the style of delivery change.
So most of Y still had that, right? Because even though it was on cable, Home alone, aired on the air, on CTV or on global, right? So it was still there, right?
The alphas for them, that's what they've grown up on, right? They are the iPad generation. The iPad, they are the genuine iPad generation. So for them, that's all they know, right? So for them it's a digital pacifier, right? Because. And it's not a fault of theirs, right? It's not like, oh, you know, no, you can only take in what you have in your environment and if that is your digital pacifier, for us it was the idiot box on a Saturday morning on you, same thing.
This is just more intimate, it's more imaging and the span is a lot shorter because our cartoons, many tunes ran for three to five minutes, right?
These run for 15 to 30 seconds. Obviously the need to feed is more.
So one of the simplest ways to understand dunes, scroll and energy reple replenishment and rather than worrying about it and, and critiquing yourself or burdening yourself, the way I suggest we look at it. And CDT is wonderful because cognitive behavioral therapy, what it is about is it looks at how you process information cognitively, right?
And it's about reframing. And reframing is basically looking at it in a different way. There's no science to it, it's just genuinely looking at a different way.
So a new or a different way to look at. This is how you would have your macros for nutrients, right? Your carbs, your proteins and your fats.
Look at your way of how you get energy in.
So carbs are your like cards, right? They're quick, they're easy, but they burn you out faster, right?
So social media is a cart.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: Okay, I now a full disclosure, all right? And this daughter has a mini docs and and now we've been sharing these stupid AI videos of dachshunds driving trucks and playing sports and cooking stuff and I find them hilarious. Is that a carb?
[00:10:16] Speaker B: It is. Because just like in carbs you have simple carbs and you have complex carbs.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: This is really simple, right?
[00:10:22] Speaker B: So it's very easy not to understand because you're not measuring content, you're measuring the energy it gives your dopamine rush, right?
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Because it doesn't make me laugh and smile.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: But it's short lived. Yeah, right. So you eat a bag of chips, you're going to get a spike or eat a candy bar like, you know, or what do they call it? The afternoon crash. Yes, right, yeah, yeah. Or the two o' clock crash.
That's officially called.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: And then there's a whole thing like, oh, you could grab a protein bar or you can grab a KitKat bar. Right? Yeah. And the argument now is simple carb KitKat bar, you get the energy, but then 45 minutes later you're like, oh, right, versus a protein bar. Right. It's still in.
Or, sorry, a fruit and nut bar. Yeah, right, yeah, whatever. Granola, whatever.
The point is that complex parts will give you a spike, it'll last a little bit longer, but it's not going to sustain you and you're going to drop. Right. And just like how when you're eating a meal, you're going to balance it out, you know, you're not going to be a carb heavy plate because you know, if you're, you may love parts and videos are it. Well, guess what? If your plate is only full of mashed potatoes and very little protein, who's not going to have energy? Same thing, right. If you, if you have a lot of simple carbs where your dopamine boosts are always going to be narrow, that's where doom scrolling is feeding itself. Right. Because you're only feeding on simple carbs, you're not passing judgment. The, the whole objective when you're doing cognitive reframing is you're not critiquing your action, you're observing your action.
And by looking at it from such a filter, what it's giving you, it's giving you a way to then look at it and go, okay, I understand that.
Okay, now moving to proteins. Well, what are proteins? Proteins are something that will sustain me a bit longer.
Right.
I equate proteins to something that requires some kind of movement. It could be a hobby of. Do you like to color? It could be, I like word searches. It could be, I like knitting. It could be anything you like. It could be, I'm going for a look. Right.
It could be I'm gonna go do the dishes. Right. It's an activity as long as you enjoy it and it's not a chore. It serves that a protein fats, right. These are more where you need longer time to not only digest, but the effects of it take longer. Right. Like if you eat half an avocado, it'll give you sustained energy, but you can give it to you 30 minutes later. Right. As opposed to that KitKat bar which gave it you inejit.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: But it is good for you, the avocado.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: Absolutely. But what I'm saying is, because you're looking to replenish your energy, right? Right. Because remember we're sitting in a post Griswold Christmas dinner, watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Right? It's the not old Christmas movie.
So you've already depleted yourself. And remember, from your generational lens, each one has different. So like for a Generation Xer, Right. They may need a dachshund video.
You know why? Because they got to put the coffee out and the pies live. Yeah. And they're burnt out. Okay, fine.
All right, Got my energy. Boom. Now everybody's done dessert. We're all chilling. Now you have a choice. Do I go for a complex carb? Because I still need to clear up the plates and go in there and I add a little bit of protein. So maybe I'll do an activity. You know what, guys? I'm going to go for a 10.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: Minute walk because we have a dog. So that's my excuse to take the dog for a walk.
[00:13:52] Speaker B: So there's your protein right there. Oh, oh, okay. There's your protein right there. Right? Because you did an activity.
[00:13:58] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:58] Speaker B: Right. It's not. What I'm saying is you're, you're looking at it through how you would eat a meal. So if, you know, you still need energy now, you're replenishing accordingly. Right? So, so you could be like, okay, you know what? I don't want to. I don't want a document video. I want something a little bit more. Okay, you know what?
Watch a true Patriot love podcast.
That's a complex card. Why? Because it's engaging the mind.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: You can listen.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: Right. And more preferably my podcast. Well, yes.
Then it's the perfect complex.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: And I, for me, I know, like, especially after the big heavy holiday meal, taking the dog around the block, the fresh air too, just being outside, I find that very, very invigorating.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: But when you come back, you have energy. Oh, ye. Mindset protein. It's like eating, it's eating meat, right? Because if you eat meat you don't get, you don't crash fast because.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: You're, it's. It's just like that. It's. What I'm saying is you, you're matching it to that and by making sure that it's an activity. The key word is activity and it's based on your abilities. Right.
If doing a word search is an activity for you.
It's an activity because you're engaging your mind.
Not through the digital lens. If reading a book, that's an activity.
Listening to something on the radio, listening to music that you enjoy. They are all activities because you're engaging your mind to get energy from a different source.
[00:15:30] Speaker A: So would this be considered approaching something my partner started a few years ago? Always we take a little bit of time over the holidays and we do, we call it Crafty Corner. We do like a group family craft of something just so we're not on the phone and not doing anything with electronics. So would that be a protein because we're doing a craft.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: You're actually doing two things simultaneously. You're doing the protein fat combination because you've created a communal activity. So that's the self care part. Because now you're creating this family experience. Right.
[00:16:00] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:00] Speaker B: That's a kind of like a fat. Right.
And at the same time, because it's an activity, that's your protein. Another good one is playing an I Spy movie game. Yes. And say you're watching Die Hard. Right? Of course. Quintessential. Is it a Christmas movie or not? Which means it has to be played every Christmas, right?
[00:16:22] Speaker A: To me it does.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: So you can have this sheet with 10 items that you got to find on it. Oh great. And now you've made it an activity.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: And you're actively watching.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: You're watching, but you're collectively watching. Okay, you've changed the thing versus doom scrolling soul and grandpa doom scrolling skull and grandma doom scrolling. Because generationally, remember, we're going to replenish but for different reasons and it has different value. Just like that. Simple carb metabolizes differently for a 6 year old versus a 35 year old versus a 45 year old versus an 80 year old versus an athlete. Now we can get into the variations, right. That's where it becomes a personal conversation.
The idea of this is that it prevents you from becoming a soft critic and putting yourself in a situation is. I need better resources. Well, this is a way for you to have better resources because then you can take a step back and go, okay, I need energy.
These things give me energy. I've put it on my website as well. There's an article and you can breaks it down a bit. Okay.
Same thing with I have an activity guide that you can download and on it there's about nine movies you can pick from. For the I Spy movie I've got.
[00:17:36] Speaker A: It's a great concept.
[00:17:37] Speaker B: There's Ghostbusters on there There's Toy Story. Oh, right. Elf Shrek, family movies. Love actually.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Oh, Love actually is a great movie.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: Classic movie. Yeah. You know, Jerry Maguire's on the. Okay, so. Because the idea is then, you know, if you want to have somebody, an activity that we want to bring everybody together, you want to involve somebody, because that's the whole point of coming away from this.
But you're giving them something to build on. Right. Something to congregate around. You could have somebody that doesn't want to. There's. I have three to five different word searches games, like from easy all the way to difficult. I have five sheets of drawing color paper or coloring images.
There's a little bit something for everybody. And then there's a section on hot takes where if you just. If you're like one of those families that loves debates. Right.
A good one that's on there is.
Who would you rather have as a boss, the Grinch or the Scrooge? Oh, who's a better sidekick, Buzz Lightyear or the donkey?
[00:18:40] Speaker A: The donkey.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Right, right, right.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: That goes without saying.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Right? I mean, what's it far and beyond? Like? I don't. What is this? Up and away or whatever?
[00:18:50] Speaker A: To infinity and beyond. Infinity and beyond. So I wanted to tie into a previous podcast we did, Sam, because not everyone is going to understand that it's okay to take a few minutes to be in your phone. Someone's going to get their.
Is this where they go back to it is what it is and not get stressed that some people are on their phone after the dinner.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: Can you walk me through this a bit?
[00:19:14] Speaker A: So, like, someone's doing something after the dinner, they're not on their phone, and they're getting a little stressed that everyone's on their phone after the meal. So instead of letting the stress get to them, just.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: It is what it is twofold to their answer. First, I feel that it is you.
Not you you, but you you. Yeah, right. That is the.
The one that is kind of orchestrating. And you're wanting to create this family experience.
So having that frustration.
Yes. Use the Santa technique. And what it is, is, you know, for the listeners here, it's. Santa stands for S. You see the environment. Right. So in this scenario, you're like, okay, we just had a good dinner. Everybody's kind of hanging out. Why are you on the phone? Okay.
Want to ask what is it I'm feeling? So, you know, feelings of. It'd be like annoyance or frustration.
Name them. I mean, sorry. Explore them. Right. And then name your reaction to those feelings. So with this one, you'd be like getting angry. Yeah. Or, you know, frustrated. I'm going to lose it, right? Yeah. So now you've named your reaction because you need to know the reaction, not the feeling. Because by asking what you're feeling, you've technically named it. Okay. Now that you've named your reaction, now you can take a breath and go, okay, it is what it is.
Now, that doesn't mean you're going to let it be because you still need to resolve it.
Now, you take an act, which is the last part of Sana, with conviction. So now you're saying when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Okay, what does that mean? What that means is that having everyone together is important.
That's the tough part.
Growing means how do I find resolution that meets both? So while you're seeing, you're also seeing the age bracket of that. So if it's somebody that's a boomer, right. Then make sure that you're not watching diehard because there's no connection, right?
Well, for them, they're like, I'm not watching an hour. It doesn't connect to me. Well, guess what? You go, okay, I don't want you on the phone. I want you more protein, right? But you can't go for a log. You can't da, da, da, Right? You know what, what about her word search? She find. Because there's five different ones. And you go, hey, would you mind like. And they all Christmas works, right? Or here's a couple crayons. And the, the art, you can give it to a five year old or you can be 80 years old. It's, you know, that's tree ornament. There's no age to Christmas art.
So you find them there, right? Or you then could be like, you know what? I don't need to watch movie. I'll spend time here. So there's a solution to everything.
If it's generation Y or generation Z, there's a better negotiation.
Right? Right, right. I think that's a fair ask. Because now you're not imposing your beliefs or your views because that's not what it's about. And, and you're saying, hey, look, you know, explain to them carb, protein, fats, they'll understand it because everybody understands it. It's very simple, right? You're not becoming technical and you're saying, hey, look, I understand that you're looking to replenish your energy, right? Why don't you try this for 45 minutes? Why don't you try this for the first 10 minutes of the movie, why don't you try this?
[00:22:37] Speaker A: Right?
[00:22:38] Speaker B: And if you're not enjoying it, we'll have a conversation. If you still, still feel you need some private time. Now we can put a time limit on it, but what you've done is you've not created friction.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Bingo. That's what I was thinking. Because by doing that, by the negotiation, empowering the younger person, you're respecting them.
I would think they would appreciate that.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: But you also understanding where they're coming from.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: Right?
[00:23:02] Speaker B: Because now if it's a Gen Z, they're coming from a sense of control.
Right. Where you could be like, okay, oh, they don't want to be bombarded with 80 questions. That's why they're avoiding. You're matching it. Because now you're able to instead interrogating them, you're, you're able to have awareness and go, okay, that's what it is.
[00:23:24] Speaker A: Because you might be the relative that haven't seen them all year. So now you're filled with questions. How about this? How about that? And I like easy. Whoa, stop.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: And it still happened to us. Yeah, right. So not like we didn't experience it.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: No, absolutely.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: There's no wrong in it. I, I think it's just.
It is what it is.
It is what it is on all sides. I'm not saying, you know, we have to tolerate it. It is what it is. Doesn't mean that you have to tolerate discomfort. It is what it is, is saying, look, this is my reality.
What can I do to work with it to get what I need?
[00:24:04] Speaker A: Now I'm not doom scrolling. I'm making sure you understand about the Christmas activity pack on his website, Horizon Within.
So you are ready for the holidays?
[00:24:13] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And it's a, it's an easy download. You just go on it and, and it'll just take you right to the page and you can take whichever activity you like and, and that's the beauty.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: Thing about it is maybe it's just one or two things you utilize, but that could be the difference between having a frustrating holiday experience and a more enjoyable holiday experience.
[00:24:32] Speaker B: And that's what it's about, having an enjoyable holiday experience.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: Sim. I'm Jim. Thanks for watching.
[00:24:37] Speaker B: Thank you.
